Loyalties
by MoonytheMarauder1
Summary: James has to choose between keeping his relationship with Lily and keeping Remus' secret.


**A/N: Hey, y'all! This was written for the Hogwarts Eastern Funfair for the Ferris Wheel. My prompt: (quote) "I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."**

 **Word Count: 2380**

 **Thanks to my sister for beta'ing!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Those rights go to JK Rowling.**

 **Enjoy!**

It was silent in the boys' dormitory. James took off his glasses and ran a hand over his face. Remus was in the library helping Peter finish his Charms essay, and Sirius was out pranking some Slytherins. Once his friends came back the room wouldn't be so peaceful, but for the moment, all James wanted to do was sulk.

It was stupid, even cruel of him, but he didn't want to see Remus for a while. It wasn't that Remus had done anything wrong - it was James who had messed up. It was just that Remus, even though he didn't know it, had been involved.

The dormitory door opened. James dragged himself into a sitting position and watched as Peter staggered in, carrying several plates of food.

James cleared his throat. "Kitchen run?"

Peter glanced up, trying to balance all the food. "Yeah, studying makes me hungry, so— are you all right?"

James exhaled shakily. "Not really."

Peter gaped at him, then threw the food down on his bed and came over to sit next to him. "What happened, mate?"

James wrung his hands together. "Lily… Lily broke up with me."

Peter's eyes nearly popped out of his skull. "What? Why? What did you do?"

Indignation flared up inside him. "Why am I automatically in the wrong?"

Peter was unimpressed. "Because this is Lily. Plus, _she_ broke up with _you_."

James deflated. "Yeah, okay." After a beat of silence, he muttered, "I hexed Snape."

Peter waited for a moment, then frowned. "That's it? You hexed Snape once and Lily called it off?"

"It was a rather… _impressive_ hex," James admitted.

Peter shook his head and sighed. "Why don't you just apologize?"

James rubbed the back of his neck. "See, I had promised her I wouldn't do that anymore. She's mad that I broke my promise."

Which was understandable.

The rat Animagus patted his shoulder. "Why'd you hex him?"

This was the difficult part. "...Moony."

Peter crossed his arms. "Come off it, Prongs. Moony would never try to convince you to hex Snape. Padfoot, maybe, but not Moony."

James shook his head. "No, Wormtail. Snape— that _git_ — was insulting Remus (about his furry little problem), and Lily came round the bend just as I was hexing him."

Peter looked confused. "But Snape says things like that about Moony all the time. We just leave it— like he _wants_ us to."

James scowled. "You didn't hear what he said, mate… this was the worst he's ever been."

Peter paled, but his blue eyes sparked with anger. "Why that—"

"Yeah," James murmured. "Anyway, then Lily came, she cut it off, I came up here, and I… I don't really want to see Remus for a while."

Peter groaned. "You can't avoid him, Prongs. Then you'll have two friends upset with you."

James threw his hands up in the air. "I know that! But what else am I supposed to do? Lily… Lily _hates_ me."

Peter scratched his blonde head, thinking furiously. "Er… I dunno. Maybe Padfoot has another crazy, way-out-there plan that actually works?"

James brightened slightly. "Yeah, maybe!"

* * *

Sirius looked at him solemnly. "You're screwed, mate."

James glared at his best mate, depression starting to sink back in. "That's your brilliant advice? Your words of wisdom? You're supposed to be brilliant, Pads— this is just sad."

Sirius held his hands up in defense. "Hey! I'm the pranking guy. Moony's the feelings guy! Why don't you just tell Evans Snivellus was goading you."

James felt miserable. "I did— I told her that _Snape,_ the stupid git, was insulting Remus. But when I couldn't tell her what he said, she just said she was disappointed in me and…"

Sirius looked at him incredulously. "Why didn't you tell her what he said?"

James punched Sirius' shoulder. "Because she doesn't know that Remus— about his furry little problem!" he hissed.

Sirius looked sheepish. "Right, sorry."

James sighed, wilting. "Just forget it. I should have held my temper. Could you two… could you keep Remus busy for a couple days? He's too much of a reminder right now. Don't tell him what happened— I don't want him to feel guilty."

His friends nodded, speechless James drew his robes tighter around himself, then headed back up to the dorm to rest. He had a Quidditch game coming up soon. He wasn't looking forward to it. He and Lily had had a date planned for afterwards…

It was going to be a lonely afternoon.

* * *

"James. Leave me alone."

Her tone was deadly dangerous; he persisted. "Lily, I'm _so_ sorry I broke my promise. Really."

They were walking out of Transfiguration, James desperately tailing after her. Lily, however, was staring straight ahead, her red hair streaming behind her. It had been a week since their breakup.

"That's not what I'm mad about, _Potter_ ," she shot back angrily.

The use of his surname stopped James in his tracks. It was like a slap in the face: a forceful reminder of how insensitive and immature he'd been in the past. He looked away and rubbed his arm, furious at himself, at Snape, the situation...and if he was being honest with himself, at Lily.

She walked a few paces further, then stopped. She turned around guiltily, her green eyes ashamed. "That… that was too far, James. I'm sorry."

He nodded, his hazel eyes gleaming. He glanced up at her, then back down, then up once more. "I'm really sorry, Lily. You may not believe me, but… if you give me a second chance, I can prove it to you."

Lily seemed upset, and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm not— it's not that you hexed him. I mean, you shouldn't have, but I get it; you two have bad history and stuff's going to happen. It's just— you lied to me, James. And I'm _tired_ of being lied to."

His chest felt tight; his heart was breaking, he was sure of it. He didn't know what to do. He had defended Remus, which he didn't regret, and kept his friend's secret— but that had cost him his relationship. Should he try to save what he had with Lily? He'd never do that— not if it meant betraying Remus.

"I know I did," he said at last. "All I can say is that I'm sorry."

Lily clutched her books closer to her chest. "You're not telling me it won't happen again."

"No," James agreed. "It might. I won't lie and say that it won't."

Because that was the truth of it, wasn't it? As long as Remus' secret was kept, he would have to lie to Lily. There was no way he could be completely honest with Lily and keep his friend's secret.

Lily wiped at her eyes. "See, that's the problem, James. I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."

James closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. No matter what he did, he'd end up losing. Better to walk away now before he caused more damage.

"That won't be a problem, Lily. James is a very trustworthy person. You see, he only lied to you to keep one of my secrets."

James whipped around. Approaching him steadily, robes billowing, amber eyes blazing, was Remus; Sirius and Peter were standing behind him nervously.

Lily regarded him confusedly, and James grabbed his friend's arm. "Moony— listen. It's okay, you don't have to—"

Remus wrenched his arm away. "Yes, I do," he said firmly. "I won't come between you and Lily. That isn't fair to either of you."

James blanched. "Remus, this doesn't have anything to do with—"

"Nice try," Remus smirked. "Sirius already told me what happened. Did you really think I wouldn't notice you avoiding me?"

James swallowed. "But this— it feels like forcing it out of you."

Remus' gaze softened, but his face remained pale. "It's time she knew, anyway."

James watched as Remus began to head towards Lily. The bespectacled boy rushed forward and grabbed his mates' arm again.

"Remus, if… if it doesn't go well, I'll stand by you," he solemnly swore.

Remus seemed surprised. "But… Prongs, you've loved her for so long."

"You've been my friend for longer," he countered. "Besides, if she doesn't… well, then she's not the person I thought she was."

Remus nodded once, then pulled Lily into an empty classroom with a muttered, "We're skipping Transfiguration."

James stared anxiously at the door for a moment before wheeling around to face his remaining two friends.

"Sirius! I told you not to tell him!" he whispered furiously.

Sirius backed away, hands up in defense. "Prongs, you have no idea what he put us through. It was torture!"

Peter stared at him. "He said, 'Is Prongs avoiding me?'"

Sirius sighed, his long black hair falling over his eyes. "Look, I just couldn't stand to see him so desolate. Ever since...The Prank, I hate to see him unhappy about anything related to his lycanthropy— whether he knows it or not."

The tension drained from James' shoulders. "Yeah, that's… you're right I just hope everything's going well in there."

"Speaking of which," Sirius said, frowning, "How long does it take to say 'I'm a werewolf,' anyway?"

Peter glared at the disgraced Black heir. "First off, lower your voice— someone could hear you! Second, Remus hasn't ever _told_ anyone about his curse before. Everyone either already knows or found out themselves. He's probably a bit tongue-tied."

Thoroughly chastised, Sirius just nodded. Finally, after several agonizing minutes, Remus walked out, looking slightly shell-shocked, with a dazed Lily in tow.

She approached James silently. Her green eyes shimmered with sorrow, and her face had drained of most of its color. She smiled at him, sweet and sad, and James knew that he was forgiven. Remus must have told her some of what Snape was likely to say about him— that, or she'd figured it out herself; she was a smart girl.

When she reached him, she gently grasped his hand. James swallowed nervously. She seemed fine with Remus' condition— she didn't look disgusted or scared in the least— but that didn't mean she wanted to be in a romantic relationship with someone who would not be around near the full moon, and would put the health of a friend before relationship commitments. Because he would— the aftereffects of Remus' curse would always be put before a dinner date. He had promised Remus back in second year that he would always be there for him, and he intended to keep that promise.

"James," she said softly. "I had no idea. Why didn't you say— no, never mind. Of course you didn't." Lily turned to Remus. "I hope you know that your secret is safe with me. You _know_ you can trust me, Remus."

Remus looked entirely drained of energy, but he managed to muster up a small smile. "I know. Just… there are normal friend secrets, and then there are _lycanthropy-based_ secrets."

Lily nodded. She looked worried, though. "If there's anything I can do—"

James squeezed her hand gently. "We'll let you know. But Remus is pretty adept at this. He's tougher than you think."

Lily bit her lip. "It just seems like so much for one person to go through. Please Remus. Anything you need— even if it's a homework assignment you haven't done."

Remus agreed. "I will, Lily. But you'll never have to do my homework, I promise."

Peter piped up. "We should head back to class, right?"

Sirius firmly answered no, but he was overruled. The five of them slowly began to walk back to class, but the urge to talk to Lily some more was overwhelming. He tugged on her hand to stop her, then called out to his friends, "We'll meet you guys there."

The three other Marauders nodded in acknowledgment, and James waited until they had rounded the corner before speaking.

"Lily. You're okay with the whole situation?"

She smiled reassuringly. "Yes, James. I'll admit, it was… unexpected. But I'm not a bigot. Remus is Remus— that's not going to change now that I can put a name to the reason behind his disappearances."

James was relieved. "I'm really glad that you're taking this so well. I know Remus has been worrying about how and when to tell you for a long time."

Lily squeezed his hand. "I'll always be there for him."

James carefully examined her expression. "Are you all right?"

Lily seemed confused by the question. "Why wouldn't I be? I told you I don't care that—"

"It's very troubling, discovering your friend's chronic illness and realizing that you can do absolutely nothing to help them."

Lily was silent for a moment, taken aback. But she confirmed his suspicions.

"I just… don't understand why it had to be Remus."

James sighed heavily. "Terrible things can happen. But he's come out stronger. And he's said before that being present through it all, never shying away— that's enough."

Lily gave him a soft smile. "I can do that."

James grinned, feeling so very, very lucky to have this girl in his life. Which reminded him…

"Are… are we okay?" he asked worriedly.

Lily looked up at him. "I understand why you did it now. I'm not mad at you for keeping his secret."

James felt as though this didn't really answer his question. "But, where do we stand now? Are we just friends, or… more than that?"

Lily hummed in response, a wicked gleam returning to her eyes. "That depends. Take me to the Three Broomsticks this weekend, and we'll figure it out from there."

James beamed, relieved. "It's a date."

Lily rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

"If you lovebirds are done," Sirius called in exasperation, walking back over to them, "we should get to class before Minnie murders us and gets Peeves to hide the evidence."

"Too late, Mr. Black," came their professor's voice. "Detention, all of you."

The three seventeen-year-olds followed their professor to class meekly. Sirius was grumbling under his breath about how Remus and Peter escaped without a detention _again._

As they were turning a corner, Lily whispered one last thing to her boyfriend.

"Oh, and the Animagi thing? We're talking about that later."


End file.
